Forgotten

She doesn't know
That for a short time
I was happy
She doesn't know that the light had grown inside my eyes
From the days when the lamps would glare in my window blinds
Those nights where I would continue cutting and hitting myself as I heard my roommates outside conversing and talking about me
She doesn't know
No one knows
They just pity me
Look at me and think, "Poor girl. I wonder what happened to her."
They didn't know that for a short time, I was Cinderella
You were the Prince
I was at the ball
They couldn't know
Now I have resigned myself to my dark apartment room
My other roommates don't know either
They talk about graduation and moving on from this place
I just imagine you
It makes me feel empty
Just to know that there was once a time that I meant so much to you
Now when we pass by each others, we are merely strangers
Strangers that will never meet again
Strangers that will never share another embrace
Because of me
Because of my negligence and my foolishness
My willingness to push away the things I care about most
Maybe I should have put up with it
Should have let you slip away from me
Because now the distance has widened
Now you can hardly see me in the shadows
As I watch you slip away
And anger is all they see
Anger and quietness
They think I am a freshman
They don't know
They could have never known I had friends
Could have never known that there was once a time this campus gave me joy
Because you were in it
I should have seen it
Perhaps I was too busy going along with my life to even realize that you were so essential to my own experience as my independence was to myself
I was reckless and foolish
Thinking that I could continue on and forget about you
I didn't know how hard I had fallen
Now I must start over
Start from scratch
Though I know it is impossible
I know I can't stay here without you here
The silence of the abandoned churches
Empty parking lots
I don't want to go home
I just want to run away
I could break my family's heart
They pity me
Pity that I was forgotten
That the only person I want to talk to in the whole world
Has blocked me everywhere
Has turned inside of themselves
Looking at me from a different angle
Looking at me as a freak
I am no longer beautiful
I am no longer the creature making you moan in agony
I am forgotten
Small as a mouse
Quiet as a butterfly

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