Alone

I am walking back down along the beach. Lights blaze from nearby apartment complexes. Empty and fake buildings. Patios looking up to the sky where I imagine lovers are hiding in secret. A lamp blazing by a bedside. A couple huddled together for warmth. It would feel so pleasurable to experience that sort of intimacy. I walk back in the dark. My hair wild. I enter the house without any fear. Then I leave it once more. It seems as uncontainable as my soul. I could run through the island and no one would know. The sky could pour itself upon me. The sharks could swim to my feet. The sea is dark and restless. Challenging. Threatening to swallow me whole. I challenge it to take me. Then I grab dinner and retreat into a secluded parking lot. Peoples' voices sound from afar. I could never be one of them. I am an alien to this world. So I sit in the dark under the shade of a tree. Licking meat with my fingers. Removed from them. A ghostly shadow in the dark. I feel so sexual and untamed. A wild animal in the darkness, trying to survive a world I can never be apart of. Removed from your arms. We both knew it was what I wanted. Now I can feel this pang. This hunger. Allow it to consume me in the most alienating form. Feeling no fear. Only degradation as my ego slips away. Losing my attachment to life. Becoming a ghost.  

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