The Drowning Soulmate

You held me
For a certain time
You touched me
Smoothing the hair out my face
You comforted me
Soothed me with your words
The lullaby and sound
Drifting me off into sleep

Now I know
That the intimacy was short lived
Now I know
That no matter how much I try
I will keep pushing you away until there is nothing left to give
Nothing
My soulmate
For whom I can no longer provide

So watch me if you can
I am swimming towards you through the thick muck
I look almost helpless and animal-like
For all around there are stares at the grotesque of my being
The helplessness that inspires pity from those around
I don't know how to reach you
All I know is that you are the only thing that makes sense
The inevitable reality: that I will swim to you even amidst drowning

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