9/19

As I sink deeper into my own despair
I find that every is gone
Not in a depressive, fearful way but
In a zen fashion
The dissolution of my ego
The falling out of my brain

Each day I make the walk to school
Restling with my demons
That once so bright and sunny girl is now scared
Of everything
Can hardly look up to see a comforting friend
Always looking downward and removed

I won't ever write a great piece
Never have one understand completely how my brain works
How it feels to have him threaten to hurt you
To be dragged into a hospital by sheer will
To bullied and rejected
Growing up in a family with so many problems

I suppose no one will get me
Not in a selfish way but
In a way that they never understood the whole story
I notice it in the way they phrase the question
I answer "It is a long story"
Even as I try to go back and recount these events
Leading to my removal from my life
There is none

She told me to go to the counselor
I couldn't do it
I haven't talked to one in months

Then in concern to my friends
Believe me
I know your honest opinions for leaving
But don't expect a dramatic recovery
While I fight your rejection to completion

The sky is silent
I know now how little is my control

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