I Am Alone

I am alone but not anyone will do
When I step off the edge
It will be me alone facing the fire

She is like a Native American woman
With her guns and her loyal Confederate paintings
A flat screen television
Cabinets black
Bed red and black
She lives like a vampire
Her dog bares sharp teeth and runs around the house
The bar is meant for entertainment
She is home
She is free

I am alone
Not a person will do
I am alone
I don't know what to do
I am falling under the sheets in my room
I don't try to move because the room is pitch black
Dogs bark in the distance of the woods
If I tried to walk, I would be lost

She is humble and kind
Cooing over her baby girl sitting in her lap
She talks about the country store
Pickled eggs, frosted pretzels, powder for smoothies and hot cocoa, sealed tiny marshmallows 
Her husband will be back soon

I am alone and I don't know why
I look in the mirror and I don't know what to do
My grandma says, "I would smile if I were as pretty as you."
"I don't feel like it" I pout and run upstairs.
My family is downstairs and they want to see me
Their voices fill up the kitchen and I cry
How I cry!
Cause it was so easy to be alone and pretend I don't care but my family can see I am lonely
I am 20 and I still play on my iPhone
Every holiday gets harder
With children running around
Adults start talking about them and I am still a child
I'm not special, I know
Yet I wish something was holding me to this world
It's so cold and I feel so alone
Maybe the ones who stay together accept that they are never going to get any better options and agree to be together because they don't want to be lonely
I can't be in a relationship because I keep imagining your voice as it climaxes to an orgasm
I can never have you
Why should I?

I walk past the power lines and look at the sky
Space is real, blindingly cold and beautiful
I wish I could have wings and fly up to it
Not having to constantly crane my neck up to look at the stars
I don't want to go home
The stray cats and dogs know me better than you 
The Spanish Moss swaying on the trees is the roof over my head
The Forest is my living room
I am alone

Each house shines a line that illuminates through the window
Lovers come together for a final embrace on a cold winter's night
Next to a burning fireplace 

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