Fall is Here

The train roars down the tracks
The air is empty and crisp
Fall is here
The leaves have turned red and yellow
The breeze is cool and cutting

You arrived in spring
While I awaited inside
The calls of summer in the beyond horizon
You completed me just for a second
The skies turned into fairy-lights

Summer turned to fall
You disappeared and the band played
The crowd cheered
People moved on
I felt more pathetic
Dragging myself to class everyday
Telling myself with a pathetic smile, "I will never love again"

Then winter came and through the chill
I lay awaiting my death
The cold rain freezes on my jacket
My lips feel like a corpse's 
I cry for salvation and I cry to God
Which brings him

How he fills me
How he holds me
Telling me "You don't have to cut yourself again when you can make love to me," "I love you" and "I will take care of you"
I find myself blushing in all the wrong places
I feel wild and naughty and lovely

Then summer turned to fall and he moved out of town
I didn't get anymore phone calls
He blamed me for what happened
He said "I shouldn't be here"
Then I found out he had a girlfriend and everyone knew but me
I walked the campus at dusk
I walked up the steps to the top balcony
I calculated the drop

Everyone wonders when I will get married
I try to seem casual and gay
"I'm studying in College" I say
Yet they look in dismay

The train roars down the tracks
The air is empty and crisp
Fall is here
The leaves have turned red and yellow
The breeze is cool and cutting

As the seasons change
My heart grows older and my hope dies more everyday 
I calculate the drop and I say with a smile "I won't love again"
Maybe next year the smile will return to my face
Or I will be married
I smile half-heartedly and go to sleep




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