One Day

I  know you I remember you Your soul knows mine We were together for a moment in time He grew up In a Catholic family He was a gorgeous boy Attending a private school He shot up before his time  All the younger boys looked up to him He was accepted into a prestigious school Where he met his first love Who smiled at him so friendly-like A beautiful blonde haired, brown eyed girl She cheated on him He vowed to never love another woman again I caught his glare a few times He was like a beautiful prince He rejected me cold Then I was filled with a frenzy To recreate that heaven A land of Kings and Queens I may never be able to join Until a Black Swan came and ate my soul Innocence crushed like a dying rose His parents broke up His mom is such a beautiful smile She found a boyfriend A black man Who gave her love His father remarried A blonde trophy wife After trying marijuana and hard drugs Putting cigarette bur...

I am alone but not anyone will do When I step off the edge It will be me alone facing the fire She is like a Native American woman With her guns and her loyal Confederate paintings A flat screen television Cabinets black Bed red and black She lives like a vampire Her dog bares sharp teeth and runs around the house The bar is meant for entertainment She is home She is free I am alone Not a person will do I am alone I don't know what to do I am falling under the sheets in my room I don't try to move because the room is pitch black Dogs bark in the distance of the woods If I tried to walk, I would be lost She is humble and kind Cooing over her baby girl sitting in her lap She talks about the country store Pickled eggs, frosted pretzels, powder for smoothies and hot cocoa, sealed tiny marshmallows  Her husband will be back soon I am alone and I don't know why I look in the mirror and I don't know what to do My grandma says, "I would smile if I were as pretty as you....

It's time for the game Donning red and black Hotdogs and hamburgers among the fall leaves Booze and bottles all over the grass Rap music playing from the speakers Students hurrying from their dorm rooms to the stadium from the game Each building stands tall as a temple to learning with it's white columns reaching towards the sky This is home Where all students of learning at any age are able to come back and rejoice in their patriotism for their school It is turning to evening I bet going on this campus to classes is like falling in love but I was never invited I never got my acceptance letter I wanted to go to this school Wanted to lean on the edge of the upper floor of the library Staring into the forests Writing stories of witches, vampires, castles, Kings and Queens  Reading Bronte, Dickens, Austen, Plath, Twain, Dickinson and Tolstoy When I was rejected from this school My passion wavered too Because it wasn't the same anymore in the tropical heat I found comfort in ai...

The smoke trickles into the air from the chimney Inside the cabin is the smell of meat roasting and being marinated The smell is the only comforting thing as I wait to eat I dig my hands in my pocket My fingers are freezing I curl my knuckles  The eerie white snow is falling off the mountains that hum Where the Indians once saw spirits of animals  The bear, the eagle, the fox, the buffalo... Each animal was given thanks to for the meal and were respected for their spirits As day fades to night, the sunset makes it's last peak over the horizon before settling inside the valley The darkness sings from far beyond An owl hoots a warning: "Get home. The predators are out." The cold echoes the sounds of space Stars dangle in the sky that is eerily quiet The moon shines from overhead The planet hangs in space While I feel from the inside I am on a great spaceship Heading to a journey unknown By some amazing calculation Generation after generation has succeeded on this planet I f...

It is harvest time The lights are beginning to blare inside the windows Trumpets sing their jazzy sounds The drums beat in time Apple cider is being served in cups foe the football game People are excited Hooping and hollering in the football stands Cheering for their local high school team Girls don themselves in big jackets Scarfs covering their necks to add flare to their outfit There is nowhere to go The fields go on endlessly Each piece of straw floating airily in the breeze Swish Back and forth The fields are becoming yellow Get in the car and keep going Run far as you can  Zoom down the road in your fastest miles per hour The family is aging The generations are becoming greater and greater The students are graduating and moving onto careers and jobs Life moves on because Fall initiates the change Promises with Macy's products and commercialism  To light up the winter into spring

My hands are too small My arms are too weak My eyes are too sad My brain is too slow My feet are breaking My fingers are slippery My hearing is muffled My hair is raggedy My heart is cold My chest is tired I melt into the bed Pills in my hand You can try to save me but you will fail See my tears? They are cried for you You want me to stand but stand I can't do You will watch me fall and that will be all Because I was never yours I could never be yours While you hold me and shake me and tell me "I'm here" I'm not here and you can't rescue me I am sorry you tried I wanted you to succeed but as you fill my body You find nothing All of it is Empty... Empty.... Empty... Broken pieces of a beautiful painting you can't put back together

The train roars down the tracks The air is empty and crisp Fall is here The leaves have turned red and yellow The breeze is cool and cutting You arrived in spring While I awaited inside The calls of summer in the beyond horizon You completed me just for a second The skies turned into fairy-lights Summer turned to fall You disappeared and the band played The crowd cheered People moved on I felt more pathetic Dragging myself to class everyday Telling myself with a pathetic smile, "I will never love again" Then winter came and through the chill I lay awaiting my death The cold rain freezes on my jacket My lips feel like a corpse's  I cry for salvation and I cry to God Which brings him How he fills me How he holds me Telling me "You don't have to cut yourself again when you can make love to me," "I love you" and "I will take care of you" I find myself blushing in all the wrong places...

The fountain is alone and singular in it's beauty A tiny jewel glistening in the cold Among the breeze flowing through the trees Against the icy water flowing down the stream It is lonely out here There is nowhere to hide in the air and in the light of the sun beaming down on the fountain There is nothing that can be hidden of it's obvious charms The light illuminates it Perfect and lovely Beside colorful flowers It blushes in the sun with humility and love Chimes ring in the distance A reminder of it's fragility

The darkness sings from far beyond The cold echoes the sounds of space Stars dangle in the sky that is eerily quiet The moon shines from overhead The planet hangs in space While I feel from the inside I am on a great spaceship Heading to a journey unknown By some amazing calculation Generation after generation has succeeded on this planet I feel it in the darkness of my room Behind the fades blinds I know I am not alone

The walls are bare and silent The china sits delicately in place and the glass mirror sulks from the walls In a picture nearby is a little girl praying She looks to the golden light coming from the sky and her eyes are filled with hope The innocence of being a child we once had before Now gone as we drown ourselves in alcohol, sink into the couch and fill our bellies with food The sunlight shines through the window and the sound outside is a loud roar Everything moving Nothing stays constant as animals dream themselves into their final slumber Only the faint humming of the lawn mower outside The iridescent light filtering through the blinds A certain ambience Reminding us something once happened here

I am sick of my parents criticizing everything I do. It is never enough with them. In terms of trying to fit in with their expectations, it fails every time because they are both hypercritical and fail to see that I am trying to find my way in the world. Like my major: Public Relations. I chose after going through Political Science, International Relations and Sociology as a degree. It seemed to be the only major intertwined with all these things. However, everything is wrong because Mom and Dad didn't chose it. Dad wants me to be an Education major but I have no desire to be a teacher. Should I force myself to change my mind for a more stable career? Then my mom wants me to be a Journalist. This would be dandy if my dad didn't say, "Well I don't know babe. That is a hard career field to break into." Everyone in my mom's family thinks I should do what I love. Everyone in my dad's family is doubting I should be in college at all if I am not making good grad...

Psychology has a lot of flaws and mostly it is shit when you study it for too long. I don't want to go into all the long, extraneous details (so this may sound unfactual but you the reader need to trust me as a credible voice from my own perspectives, research and experience saving you time in going through every piece of boring research from the other side that is a bunch of bullshit) but until you are locked in a mental institution and forced on psychiatric drugs and are told there is no future awaiting you as you feel impending guilt you did something wrong - you won't realize how redundant and fabricatory the stuff is. Sure we can be depressed from time to time but that doesn't mean we have a chemical imbalance. A "chemical imabalance" doesn't even exist. There is no science to prove it. Psychology is only a field meant to help you discover ways of solving your problems. It should never be viewed as "one-size-fits-all" or that a pill can fix all ...

Since coming off the medication, a lot of things have been changing in my brain and have continued to change. 1. I am beginning to remember events from my past that had been blocked previous to beginning medication. 2. I found out that I was reliving my past romances while on medication through two guys that resembled two loves I had before. 3. Realized that I had become a different person while on the medication: more sexually promiscuous and able to interact with people more easily than before. 4. Now I have become much more shy and introverted while off the medication and my normal cycles of mania, hypomania and depression have returned but they are harder to manage than before. When I am depressed, I literally retreat inside myself and it's much more similar with hypomania. The only time I come out of my shell is if I am manic but that rarely lasts long. 5. I also thought that I would be able to focus on school better without medication but that is not the case. Bot that the me...