One Day

Dream a small dream for me Right now I am in the ether Floating around in a wave of dreams The tide is pulling fast There is nowhere to hold on Pray that you will find me Cause I am tired of searching All my lives swirling into one Yet one angel remains Separated from my arms Pray that I don't Find comfort in the drop From the high building To the below Pray that I don't Give my body In empty alleys To drugs and alcohol Pray that on The empty train I don't dream About my death For right now is dreamtime It is magical Yet it requires one thing That you find me now

Global voices Screaming The world Never stops moving I look for you Feeling like I am stuck on a spaceship Of light and color That you are a ghost of the past This is the future Commercial industry A model of the world Already mapped out Reduced to nothing Do you hear me Amidst the noise? I want to rise above the sounds Hidden by my silent form I want to be seen For the world to unfurl before me Like a gigantic snake You hear us All of us Though you may not see me I was hear

The truth is that the world is so unbearably loud I realize that while we try to assign explanations to things, these explanations will inevitably fall through and we will have to replace them with new ones to comfort us through the night Even though these beliefs are suspect to outliers On the road to searching for myself, I have lost my ego I want to be angry at what has happen to me I want someone to encompass me with warmth and unconditional love oncemore I don't want to go through a humdrum day of the sun rising once more and learning so to prepare for my life I am unbearably lonely and kind of screwed up Yet I have accepted this loneliness as a sort of purge Though I am in denial of how scared shitless I am I think I will continue only cause It gives me something to do and for that reason I will go on living

I am not an expert on past lives in my human form as an Artcurian Indigo but I can give you a general premise of how I have come to familiarize myself with my past lives. Usually anything that bothers you in the present can show an indication of your past lives. Usually,there are many indicators of your past lives through the friends that have had significant impact on you as well as the books or movies you keep in your possession. We are not limited by our location, nationality or sex. Man y of us have been cross=gendered which accounts towards being Gay or Transgender. We also have had lives of slavery and prostitution which have led us to have low self esteem, unhealthy relationships and to choose lives of suffering with mental illnesses or with systematic prejudice so that we may familiarize ourselves with the plight of oppressed and underprivileged groups. I have no real answer as to why I remember my past lives and others don’t. Perhaps the reason is because some of us are meant ...

I am giving up on love. I am giving up the belief that there is one person we are destined to spend the rest of our life with. That they will have a certain amount of qualities as well as I. That we will be emotionally mature enough to deal with a long term relationship. I should have thought of this a while ago. Maybe it's just a sign. Like some people aren't meant to be popular, to go to college, to become rich or to find love. It's not the end of the world because if you find love, you have to keep it too. If you can't keep it, what's the point of finding it? For a temporary relief of happiness and belief in all the Disney Princess movies? I am not missing out on anything. I just have to find other ways to enjoy my life rather than going out and meeting people. I can read, write, study, go to school, shop, work, etc. I could even make more friends but love is off the table. Love isn't for me. Babies. Animals. Mortgages. Weddings. Sex. Childbirth. Divorce. Why...

There is so much I discovered today and there is still some stuff I don't get. Let's just clear things up for anyone who might be following this blog. My family must have an addiction problem. My grandmother Geraldine and her sister Aunt Trudy were really into Psychology and Psychiatry. Aunt Trudy was always justifying the medication she was taking for her erratic behavior. Eventually she committed agravated battery and died of too many drugs. Geraldine loved my Grandad and though they broke up because he was being very flirtatious to other women, she moved back to Florida and got a 6 year degree in Psychology wanting to be a therapist. Only she must have felt drunk and maybe suicidal even when she found out my grandad met his new lady - my stepgrandmother - then went and got on the highway. Committed vehicular homicide. That was that. Nothing to show for her life. I guess it seems unfair to me even though she did kill another person and caused a lot of grief in another family....

When my grandmother and my grandad broke up and she found out of his affair with a young latina women, my grandmother drank whiskey and drove on the highway going the opposite direction, She ran into a head-on collision with in an incoming truck and killed a person. She died of a drug withdrawal August 1, 1991 in Palm Bay, Florida. My grandad is still married by the way. So I bet you enjoyed it Face it, I know you did Last night up in your dorm room There were two different girls One was named Amy and the other was named Sarah Amy is black and she is a good Christian you met in Baptist Collegiate Ministries Sarah is white and she is your girlfriend. She also liked girls. She agreed to share them with you. "That is why I love you" you said. "You are mature and don't get jealous like other girls." So you stuck your dick in Amy She took it like a good whore While you choked her throat Sarah sucked her tits Then you stuck your dick in your girlfriend...