First Debate

I thought the first debate wouldn't bother me. I was really excited for it. When I watched, I was worried Trump would make her look bad. I started laughing at some of his remarks against her. Then the debate took a wrong turn when she started talking about keeping guns from the mentally ill and that Trump was too emotionally incompetent to be president. I understood what I was worried about. That same gaslighting tactic was used against me to completely destroy my sense of self. Donald Trump, like Margaret Thatcher, is my mind. However it was much deeper. I was looking at a man being blamed for Cognitive Dissonance and labeled Bipolar. I was looking at myself and denying my shadow self. The reaction surprised me. I couldn't believe how many news outlets said she did well. I realized how mucn hatred I have had in my heart for being scorned for being different and now it is happening all over again. Society needs someone to blame I suppose but I never thought society would blame me. I never thought that inside of me is just a million things to hate because I am Bipolar and Defiant. Funny that I began to sympathize with Trump for this but it goes without question, my ideas aren't accepted by the vast majority and I am a writer. Makes you wonder if your life has a point at all. Realize that your mom thinks you are a child and your family thinks you are crazy. That you can't have friends or a boyfriend cause you think too much. That you don't fit in. Like Dr. Lichtman said, "No one will ever be able to understand you." Then I look in the mirror and I am scared. I run away from everyone that could give support and stay alone, realizing there is something in me evil. Something they will never want or accept. Defective as a person. Defying who you are by punishing yourself but you truly can't deny who you are.

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