BPD and PTSD

I am traumatized. Seeing Ozca brings fear into my body. She is a Muslim girl wearing a full hijab dress. I went to school with her. I do not remember how we had our falling out but the truth is, I am terrified of her. She hates me. Maybe the trauma was forgotten in my mind but the bodily sensation of seeing her brings back all the memories I had of being bullied by Brenda at Milton. I realize now that I was traumatized by previous bullying, academic stress and struggle with my stepdad yet I still feel like I may have gotten worse because of being put in a mental hospital against my will due to bullying by Porsha. It has made me learn not to trust people. I am terrified. I'll admit it. I wonder how long I can continue trying to actively ignore the memories of high school before my brain explodes in full blown terror of abandonment.

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