One Day

I just wrote a post on Wordpress that took a whole hour. I said something very important about the shooting in Florida, but nobody wanted to hear it. It was about drugs causing the problem of mass shootings in America. I'm infuriated, upset really, that I can't help but only get hateful comments when I mention one thing that someone doesn't like - like gun control. The commentor will likely remain anonymous, even though he agrees with what I say on the drugs. I just need someone to understand. Do you know how hard it is for me to write? I used to be so good at it, but I've been through so much it is impossible to do anymore. I understand that discussion should be allowed online, and that people have different opinions, but I would like one person to please support and respect my ability to write online. Do you know what PTSD is like? It really sucks. I've been raped, abused, physically assaulted, verbally harassed; and I'm writing on here. I'm trying to fi...

You get beat up enough Dissapointed enough You learn to stop trying

I go to books to learn in them what I can’t find in real life. To understand things that through imagination and pondering, can be applied back to the real world. To understand romance is to understand the idea of it, the deconstruction of the idea and the re-application of those ideas back into the real world. We can all benefit from these books for women about romance because they are realistic of how we can be, and hopeful for what we can become. 1.      Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert There’s a reason this novel has lasting power. It’s not about love. There’s no happily ever after. However, it is an examination of the idea of love. Of the romantic and of the value of art. It’s uniquely French and yet it is universal, for it is about how the idea of another person can fall so short of who they really are and how two people that once were so intimate can become strangers. It’s about Madame Bovary and she does not get a happy ending. She does dream of one t...

I'm not a somatic narcissist nor am I a lesbian. I don't know why you think I'm sending out a mating call to you but your insistance on being an empath with no narcissist tendencies by virtue of your MBTI sign is ridiculous. Hitler was an INFJ. Moreover, a woman who is frustrated with men should not be automatically labeled as gay in order to ease your conscious. I'm sorry, maybe men are more dissapointing than you would hope to admit - seeing as you are a ‘'sensitive” man. All I was looking for was a legitimate answer but your answer is the insulting proof that people like you disguise themselves as empaths in order to prey on others by calling them narcissists and fill their heads with crap as a result.

I am gonna be honest because it seems like the only way I can check myself in the coming days, months and even years. The truth is, I've been in love with someone much longer than I should have been. I should have gotten over him a long time ago but I still relentlessly try whether through communication (which I have decreased over time) and especially through my own alone time to be the kind of girl for him. I don't mean to do it consciously but I also feel like much of what I have done could have been somewhat influenced by him - a thought that scares me because I don't know how much of my life really is my own choice. I should have gotten over him a long time ago. Other people are moving on with their lives and nothing has happened in mine. I really need to grow up. He would be so much happier without me and yet, I can't. I don't know how. I'm still trying. WHY?

Fuck I need to get over him It wasn't supposed to happen like this I wasn't supposed to fall in love with someone so much older than me He wasn't supposed to kiss me Or fuck me He wasn't supposed to walk away I wasn't supposed to stay at home for a year and a half after he left Never believing I would be in another relationship again I wasn't supposed to turn down 40+ guys over the internet Nor stop having sex Believing myself to be a lesbian Nor was he supposed to come back To stop caring Unless it was for sex Or friendship Never love I wasn't supposed to want to meet him I was supposed to come out of my shell To try to move on To get a place to live To get a job I could still get that but There was that stupid RA I fell in love with Who was just nerdy enough To turn my whole world upside down

They all left. They all still blame me for everything years later. I tried telling them that I was depressed but they said I threw my problems on others. A lot of them did that themselves but they were unable to see when it affected other people. They just wanted people to listen to their own problems. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is a lot of shitty people in the world. It tends to want to break you real fast. A lot of the people who have luck in friendships and love tend to have happy dispositions - which make them easier/enjoyable to be around and able to put up with peoples’ BS. Thus, because many narcissists have these friends, they expect other people to kiss up to them. Narcissism and mental illness, particularly depression, can seem like the flip of a coin. You can’t really help it and yet you still get stares when you burst out crying and have to leave the room. You know people don’t want to be reminded of your grief: they either want to have a happy day or hav...