Prayer for Indonesia
It's been a while since I posted and since this is a private blog, I have decided I need to turn to it in this moment.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who I see. With my brown hair, green eyes, freckles and tan skin. I keep wondering if I am just in an avatar body because the person I expect to look back at me is Indonesian.
I feel Indonesian now that these memories of my past life have come up. Realizing that I was part of a movement to rid of Anglo-Saxon influence in the country puts me into perspective of where I am now - very Anglo-Saxon and living in a Conservative/Christian/Southern family.
If I told them how I felt, they would think I am crazy. My memories now stem longer than my actual birth. The things that have happened to me in the past now seem insignificant. Now I am more interested in my people and what happened to them. Too bad I don't know how to speak Indonesian yet! It would greatly benefit me to learn due to the gap between information exchanged between our country and theirs, I am sure I probably couldn't find a book on the Indonesian Revolution in my local library and even if I could, it would be corrupted with American influence.
They don't understand what we were fighting for: our own autonomy. They still don't and that is one of the great gaps between countries like America and countries like ours.
Now you think I might be insane, writing this in English from the South but I remember things. I remember men who don't recognize me now. It is horribly scary.
Capitalism is scary. They believe that they are somehow helping poor countries by moving their factories there and getting us jobs but they are wrong. There is still a huge inequality gap between those inside America and outside America.
I am no longer persuaded by the government. Their crony government officials and their corrupt business men. They are the liars that are keeping the world in the dark.
Even if I looked outside, I would see Oak trees and horses and it would still all feel wrong. I miss the jungle and the mystery of being in it. I miss the trees. I miss the huts and the beach. I am wild and mad and no longer belong to the world I am in. My eyes are wide open and even then I am still trapped.
I no longer know what to do. The desire to go there even amidst the threat of ISIS is so great.
Indonesia. You are my home. You are the blessed star that has always guided itself in my heart. Please remember your due. The fight of your leaders: Amir Sjarfuddin, SK Trimituri, Sayuti Melik, President Sukarno and Mohammad Hatta. Do not fall into the hands of terrorists. Fight to preserve your freedom. You are the ones who deserve it the most.
Adam. You deserve our thanks for everything you have done. If I figure out someday who you are, I will make sure to thank you personally for helping us. Kadmon as well. You see Adam is Dutch and Kadmon is Japanese. You would think that they were our greatest enemies during the Revolution but I loved them both. I wasn't a traitor to my country. I just recognized that beyond the petty conflicts of men, we can cross national boundaries and appreciate each other as they are.
Adam died in a plane crash. He was trying to save as many Indonesians as he could.
Kadmon protected my family. He personally guarded the house and made sure the Japanese would not kill us.
I wasn't a traitor. I am sick of feeling like that. Yes I left the country to be with Kadmon. We lived in Japan in Hokkaido. We had a daughter and we lived there for many years until he died from lung cancer. Unfortunately my daughter and I died in the 1993 Okushiri tsunami.
I knew S.K. Trimituri. I knew her husband Sayuti Melik. I grew up with Satusara Karma Trimituri but I had a relationship with her husband and she never forgave me. She didn't like me running off with Kadmon or Adam. Our relationship was severed.
Now you know I guess. I lost my sister in a tsunami. Then I lost myself and my daughter in 1993.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who I see. With my brown hair, green eyes, freckles and tan skin. I keep wondering if I am just in an avatar body because the person I expect to look back at me is Indonesian.
I feel Indonesian now that these memories of my past life have come up. Realizing that I was part of a movement to rid of Anglo-Saxon influence in the country puts me into perspective of where I am now - very Anglo-Saxon and living in a Conservative/Christian/Southern family.
If I told them how I felt, they would think I am crazy. My memories now stem longer than my actual birth. The things that have happened to me in the past now seem insignificant. Now I am more interested in my people and what happened to them. Too bad I don't know how to speak Indonesian yet! It would greatly benefit me to learn due to the gap between information exchanged between our country and theirs, I am sure I probably couldn't find a book on the Indonesian Revolution in my local library and even if I could, it would be corrupted with American influence.
They don't understand what we were fighting for: our own autonomy. They still don't and that is one of the great gaps between countries like America and countries like ours.
Now you think I might be insane, writing this in English from the South but I remember things. I remember men who don't recognize me now. It is horribly scary.
Capitalism is scary. They believe that they are somehow helping poor countries by moving their factories there and getting us jobs but they are wrong. There is still a huge inequality gap between those inside America and outside America.
I am no longer persuaded by the government. Their crony government officials and their corrupt business men. They are the liars that are keeping the world in the dark.
Even if I looked outside, I would see Oak trees and horses and it would still all feel wrong. I miss the jungle and the mystery of being in it. I miss the trees. I miss the huts and the beach. I am wild and mad and no longer belong to the world I am in. My eyes are wide open and even then I am still trapped.
I no longer know what to do. The desire to go there even amidst the threat of ISIS is so great.
Indonesia. You are my home. You are the blessed star that has always guided itself in my heart. Please remember your due. The fight of your leaders: Amir Sjarfuddin, SK Trimituri, Sayuti Melik, President Sukarno and Mohammad Hatta. Do not fall into the hands of terrorists. Fight to preserve your freedom. You are the ones who deserve it the most.
Adam. You deserve our thanks for everything you have done. If I figure out someday who you are, I will make sure to thank you personally for helping us. Kadmon as well. You see Adam is Dutch and Kadmon is Japanese. You would think that they were our greatest enemies during the Revolution but I loved them both. I wasn't a traitor to my country. I just recognized that beyond the petty conflicts of men, we can cross national boundaries and appreciate each other as they are.
Adam died in a plane crash. He was trying to save as many Indonesians as he could.
Kadmon protected my family. He personally guarded the house and made sure the Japanese would not kill us.
I wasn't a traitor. I am sick of feeling like that. Yes I left the country to be with Kadmon. We lived in Japan in Hokkaido. We had a daughter and we lived there for many years until he died from lung cancer. Unfortunately my daughter and I died in the 1993 Okushiri tsunami.
I knew S.K. Trimituri. I knew her husband Sayuti Melik. I grew up with Satusara Karma Trimituri but I had a relationship with her husband and she never forgave me. She didn't like me running off with Kadmon or Adam. Our relationship was severed.
Now you know I guess. I lost my sister in a tsunami. Then I lost myself and my daughter in 1993.
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