One Day

I want to leave the country I know what happened in this election is partially my fault because I voted for Trump in my anger against a global establishment of elites I know that because of my anger, I should be blamed for what is happening in America Illegal immigrants will be deported It won't affect me Muslims will be targeted It won't affect me Whites will be killed It will effect me I am ashamed that we have someone elected to the office of President of the United States who is racist, Islamophobic, xenophobic, sexist and homophobic However, I don't want to be blamed for what is happening And I know that many people hate Trump the way they hate me I am just as bigoted and hateful as Trump Which is why Spencer has stopped talking to me and is probably fucking some nice, liberal girl who reminds him of Princess Diana suffering with something akin to Depression And yet, I just want to fucking leave I don't want to defend my mother when th...

It's empty where you were Hidden in the dark Staring at the stars Listening to the sounds of a distant train I think that we often do not know what we have while we have it Yet I know I knew better than To take for granted my time with you From the moment I met you I knew I was looking into the past That room where I imagined your arms Now your hand has left a wound on my face I feel like a freakish piece of art Looking back at our time I can't help but wonder what it meant And realize it met nothing Even though to me, you meant everything

I think about what I am doing with my life a lot and if it really matters. Sometimes I think my ambitions to be a teacher are too out of touch with reality because of the low pay and the toughness of the job. It really isn't the career you want to be in if you want to make money and academia can wear professors out after a while. I also find my career choice isn't helping me grow as a person. Isn't that ironic that I have found that? Perhaps it is because of being diagnosed with Bipolar that I have figured I need to be more than I am. Sometimes reading and writing feels more like a form of escapism for blocking out a world I need to learn to be apart of even though education is ironically said to make people smart. It's like parenting. I don't think it's good to be a parent at my age but who am I to judge those who have the maturity and relationship experience that I don't have? They make peace with their lives, learn practical skills, master relationshi...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I am nothing Empty noise Passive aggressive stare Amid joy and laughter True love and intimacy Friendship and voices I am the brick wall The LED sign I am free

He told me he met someone else. I cried horribly for two days and now I just feel numb. I should die metaphorically speaking. No man really will ever want me. I am just a selfish person. Homes, hobbies and love are just for people that are kind and good people. You know what is amazing? I am not upset. I thought about her mouth on his penis just now and I didn't feel anything. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I have lost my ability to love another person. I might not love him at all.

There is sometimes nothing you can do in the end Exhausted of all options I am tired of keeping up with a world that does so little for me I realize that no one will ever know me should I never do something for them Yet I don't want to help them should they break me I can't take another hit Because all this frustration is finding it's way nowhere The more I try to understand the world The more I understand that it doesn't make sense at all We the human race on a tiny rock in space Floating around in a meaningless existence The insistence is to make something out of this nothingness If you can't, the Depression will catch up with you It has caught up with me There is no more meaning I find it whipped off as soon as I attempt to write it to page I am living a life of nonsense The doctors can't fix me and society finds me disposable I don't blame them I really don't blame others when there are better options out there Yet I can't sto...