Mental
I had gotten on birth control (ethanyl estradiol) back in 2012 during my senior year of high school for severe period cramps that my gynecologist assumed was in result of my anemia. I experienced a heavy depression but was kept by coercion on my birth control for a year.
InFall of 2013, I was roomed with a roommate my freshman year of college, whom I will call Pamela. Pamela and I didn't like each other. She banged on my walls and said she was going to kill me. I was experiencing an acute psychosis and began cutting myself. I wanted to be able to change rooms but there was no one to help me. When I went to the counseling office, they diagnosed me with a thought disorder and sent me to a mental hospital for 2 weeks. I came out with the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.
They got me off my birth control and treated me for Bipolar Disorder for a whole year.
They tried a mixture of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics which included...
.Risperdal
.Zoloft
,Ambilify
.Seroquel
.Depakote
.Xyprexa
.Lithium
However, I was getting sicker no matter what I tried. My psychiatrist withheld information from my mother of my low thyroid back in December. My mom went to a psychiatrist who was anti-medication and with help, I was able to get off medications by June.
At the same time though, I was also having crippling period pains. I remember vividly times when people would find me passed out on the bathroom floor. I had to go to the emergency room 6 times in the past year and kept being treated for a UTI infection.
Then the final time I went to the hospital, they finally used an ultrasound and found an ovarian cyst. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and put back again on Birth Control pills because I am only 20 years old and can't afford to have a vastecomy.
When I got back on the birth control (prostaglandin), I experienced depression and mania. My cycling has come back but I am afraid to talk to any psychiatrist or especially my gynecologist - who would have gotten me off birth control (though endometriosis is a fatal condition) or would have sent me to a mental hospital for symptoms of "depression" or "bipolar", the later of which I have been recently calling myself again as a joke.
I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because they don't believe that hormones can cause symptoms of a mood disorder and they also don't know how to treat mental illness without the assistance of psychotics and anti-depressants, which can further complicate the condition that I already have. I have been suffering a lot on my own because I believe no one will believe me nor will help me to the way I desire to be treated - without medication. Unfortunately, I live in a society where everyone is popping pills and boozing it up so...
But it is a problem because I can notice the rift between me and people who can function normally. I am unable to explain it to them because they haven't reached the same level of awareness about my condition. It's unfortunate because I am scared of coming into conflict with people. Trying my best to manage my symptoms on my own no matter how debilitating. It's frustrating when you feel like no one could understand you even if they tried.
I am neither for nor against psychiatry. Psychiatry has it's own vices and virtues just like those against psychiatry and often more ignored (i.e. Nutritionists). I guess I wrote this because I want an account of what I have been through to survive somewhere. I want people to understand that sometimes if what you are feeling or experiencing is complicated - that is because it really is complicated! Our society is hopelessly flawed when it comes to understanding mysteries but hopefully someone reading this with issues like mine can understand that there might be a reason to it even if they can't see it at the time. Maybe it is something that can be fixed. Perhaps it can't. But it is worth it to understand rather than surrender yourself to that sort of emotional and social pressure of trying to understand your mind.
InFall of 2013, I was roomed with a roommate my freshman year of college, whom I will call Pamela. Pamela and I didn't like each other. She banged on my walls and said she was going to kill me. I was experiencing an acute psychosis and began cutting myself. I wanted to be able to change rooms but there was no one to help me. When I went to the counseling office, they diagnosed me with a thought disorder and sent me to a mental hospital for 2 weeks. I came out with the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.
They got me off my birth control and treated me for Bipolar Disorder for a whole year.
They tried a mixture of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics which included...
.Risperdal
.Zoloft
,Ambilify
.Seroquel
.Depakote
.Xyprexa
.Lithium
However, I was getting sicker no matter what I tried. My psychiatrist withheld information from my mother of my low thyroid back in December. My mom went to a psychiatrist who was anti-medication and with help, I was able to get off medications by June.
At the same time though, I was also having crippling period pains. I remember vividly times when people would find me passed out on the bathroom floor. I had to go to the emergency room 6 times in the past year and kept being treated for a UTI infection.
Then the final time I went to the hospital, they finally used an ultrasound and found an ovarian cyst. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and put back again on Birth Control pills because I am only 20 years old and can't afford to have a vastecomy.
When I got back on the birth control (prostaglandin), I experienced depression and mania. My cycling has come back but I am afraid to talk to any psychiatrist or especially my gynecologist - who would have gotten me off birth control (though endometriosis is a fatal condition) or would have sent me to a mental hospital for symptoms of "depression" or "bipolar", the later of which I have been recently calling myself again as a joke.
I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because they don't believe that hormones can cause symptoms of a mood disorder and they also don't know how to treat mental illness without the assistance of psychotics and anti-depressants, which can further complicate the condition that I already have. I have been suffering a lot on my own because I believe no one will believe me nor will help me to the way I desire to be treated - without medication. Unfortunately, I live in a society where everyone is popping pills and boozing it up so...
But it is a problem because I can notice the rift between me and people who can function normally. I am unable to explain it to them because they haven't reached the same level of awareness about my condition. It's unfortunate because I am scared of coming into conflict with people. Trying my best to manage my symptoms on my own no matter how debilitating. It's frustrating when you feel like no one could understand you even if they tried.
I am neither for nor against psychiatry. Psychiatry has it's own vices and virtues just like those against psychiatry and often more ignored (i.e. Nutritionists). I guess I wrote this because I want an account of what I have been through to survive somewhere. I want people to understand that sometimes if what you are feeling or experiencing is complicated - that is because it really is complicated! Our society is hopelessly flawed when it comes to understanding mysteries but hopefully someone reading this with issues like mine can understand that there might be a reason to it even if they can't see it at the time. Maybe it is something that can be fixed. Perhaps it can't. But it is worth it to understand rather than surrender yourself to that sort of emotional and social pressure of trying to understand your mind.
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