10.2.16

I don't know what I feel or if it really matters honestly. Sometimes, I am struck by all the things that have happened in my life and I don't feel like I have the strength to remember it all. There is just so much pain inside of me with no where to go and I don't want to force that pain on anyone. Yet the loneliness, it too kills me at night sometimes enough that I start to feel ridiculous for trying anyway and I wish that I would try harder but sometimes I feel like I am just so much a burden that I shouldn't bother anyone at all. I can't run from my past even though I am still trying yet I don't want to let it consume me so I am stuck between the past and the future with a present that I don't want to live. Not really. I can't let them know I have pain because they will destroy my life if they know. I am just back to being invisible again.

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