I am sick of my parents criticizing everything I do. It is never enough with them. In terms of trying to fit in with their expectations, it fails every time because they are both hypercritical and fail to see that I am trying to find my way in the world. Like my major: Public Relations. I chose after going through Political Science, International Relations and Sociology as a degree. It seemed to be the only major intertwined with all these things. However, everything is wrong because Mom and Dad didn't chose it. Dad wants me to be an Education major but I have no desire to be a teacher. Should I force myself to change my mind for a more stable career? Then my mom wants me to be a Journalist. This would be dandy if my dad didn't say, "Well I don't know babe. That is a hard career field to break into." Everyone in my mom's family thinks I should do what I love. Everyone in my dad's family is doubting I should be in college at all if I am not making good grad...
You tell me to trust someone again. I tell you that is near next to impossible to try. Oh sure, I have. Don't think I am going around saying "Screw the World" or something. I try to make nice, pleasant conversation with people. I appreciate their thoughts and musings. I watch them from afar, sometimes knowing more about them than I know about myself. I guess it's just different now. I have had a few lovers. Each one will look into my eyes and try to bring out of me that intimacy they so long for. A connection or something to inspire them and make them believe that they are unique and meaningful to the world. We all want to be meaningful. We all want to make sense and be loved and appreciated. Our struggles, our cries. Our independent thoughts. These things are separate between us and the other world. They keep us around in the same circles, circling over and over. Perhaps it is okay to have this sort of veil between us and everything else because everything else is us...
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